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On Fathers: An Interview With John Bradshaw
| Article
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19328 |
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Section : |
LIFE
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| Issue
Date : |
6 / 1991 |
2,347 Words |
| Author
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Sherry Von Ohlsen
Sherry Von Ohlsen writes from her base in Sparta, New Jersey. |
Over the past twenty years, John Bradshaw has come to be known as a marriage and family therapist, alcohol and drug abuse counselor, ecumenical theologian, management consultant, public speaker, and author. His best-selling books include Bradshaw On: The Family, Healing the Shame That Binds You, and Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child, all of which has launched him into the national television circuit with a series on PBS and appearances on Oprah and Donahue. Between writing books and a monthly column for Lear's magazine, Bradshaw lectures and conducts workshops throughout the United States.
Von Ohlsen: Your books seem to build upon one another. Is this progression intentional, and how does your life experience relate to your work?
Bradshaw: My first book focused on the family, the second on shame, and the third on healing the inner child. The inner child is a symbol to teach us how to champion ourselves as adults and how to grieve our lost childhood and the wounded, neglected, abandoned child. Writing about the loss of fathering, which is the subject of my next book, is a natural part of the progression.
A great mystery surrounds "Father," a terror and distance. This is the scariest issue for us as children and for us as fathers. I cry about fathers and sons when I see closeness between them. That is where my deepest hurt is in my life. Fathers are so significant; they hold so much power in the family structure.
In many ways I failed my son and stepdaughter as a father, even though I was a family therapist and a dedicated father. I had grown up fatherless. My father was an alcoholic who abandoned the family. I didn't have a father model. I wasn't there emotionally for my son a lot because I didn't know what my emotions were. I overindulged my son in some ways to correct the mistake of my own childhood. I erred by giving up all my needs to respond to those of my children's.
Von Ohlsen: How are fathers in America doing today?
Bradshaw: Five years ago, when I started my workshops, about 15 percent of the audience was men. Now, the workshops average about 40 percent men. The warrior, macho stereotype of man is being broken. But I think fathers are still confused and struggling with their roles and identities. A lot of men hide behind their prestige, money, and
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