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Close Encounters of the Married Kind
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16183 |
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Section : |
LIFE
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| Issue
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6 / 1989 |
1,797 Words |
| Author
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Kay Marie Porterfield
Kay Marie Porterfield, a Denver writer, is the author of four
books on substance abuse and family relationships. |
John Bertrand and his wife, Barbara, had been married for ten years, had two kids, and thought they had a great marriage. Then one Sunday after church, another couple asked why they had been sitting through mass with their offspring separating them. "You ought to sign up for a Marriage Encounter weekend; it would bring you closer together," joked the Bertrands' friends. John and Barbara thought about it and took the teasing seriously.
"The experience was dynamic," says John, who during the weekend did some deep thinking about the direction in which his life with Barbara was headed. "I was a teacher, always taking more courses to climb the career ladder. On weekends I'd go bowling or golfing to unwind and wonder why I wasn't having fun. I thought I was doing it all for Barb and the kids, but I was ready depriving them of myself. Barb didn't know how lonely I was inside, and I hadn't been aware of some of her feelings."
The intimate sharing sparked by the Marriage Encounter weekend caused some dramatic changes in the Bertrands' relationship. John resigned form his bowling leagues and hasn't looked back. They had two more children, referred to as their "postweekend" kids. And the San Bernardino couple opened a music store so John could quit his teaching job and devote more time to his family and church. "The whole marriage encounter experience was such a gift for us. We became involved first in presenting [making presentations] and then in leadership roles," he says. In fact, the Bertrands were so sold on the experience that last year they shared responsibility for the entire Worldwide Marriage Encounter organization in the United States.
Each weekend hundreds of couples throughout the United States and the world gather to attend similar inexpensive workshops. During two days of introspection and dialogue, they learn more about themselves as individuals and as a unit.
The three largest groups that sponsor marriage-enhancement weekends are Worldwide Marriage Encounter, National Marriage Encounter, and the Association of Couples for Marriage Enrichment (ACME). Each has slightly different emphasis and a completely different parent organization. (National and Worldwide Marriage Encounter share the same genesis and format but split up several years ago because of conflicts over workshop content.) All stress that the marital enhancement they provide is not a substitute for therapy.
Except for sessions run by ACME, the weekends have a
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