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Aphrodite Debunks Aphrodisiacs
| Article
# : |
15651 |
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Section : |
LIFE
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| Issue
Date : |
2 / 1989 |
1,390 Words |
| Author
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Kathryn N. Hardin
Kathryn Hardin's humor articles first appeared nationwide
thirty years ago. This Arkansas grandmother draws on her
life, past and present, for her current anecdotes. |
"Cupid, you've been moping around the temple all day. Why don't you go over to the Elysian Fields and play with Romulus and Remus?"
"Because they tease me, that's why. When they see me coming they jump around and start singing, 'Cupid's mother's mushy! Cupid's mother's mushy!"
"I am not mushy! I am the goddess of love. You just fly yourself back and stand your ground with those ruffians. And help Hecate hitch Pegasus to the post on your way out. I see her chariot pulling into the drive."
"Cupid must be having a bad day, Aphrodite. He sailed off like one of Thor's thunderbolts."
"Romulus and Remus harass him unmercifully, but what can you expect from boys raised by a she-wolf? Prop your torch and sword against a column and we'll have a nectar out here on the piazza. I could certainly use a cup at this point."
"I know it must be difficult for you to bring up a child in a one-parent household. Frankly, I don't see how you can stand having Adonis stay down in the underworld six months out of the year with Proserpina."
"He says their relationship is platonic, but I wouldn't believe that if he swore it on a stack of Bulfinch's Mythologies! As if I don't have enough to worry about carrying out my duties as goddess of love in a world that just wants instant turn-ons. Would you care for a dish of ambrosia, Hecate?"
"No, thanks. It looks delicious, but the shredded coconut gets in my teeth."
"You can't imagine the amount of time I have to spend trying to dispel those unfounded aphrodisiac rumors. The idea that powdered rhino horns can spur a flagging libido into spectacular action has caused the rhinoceros population to be virtually wiped out in some areas."
"Deplorable! Absolutely deplorable!"
"And those outlandish concoctions people have ingested--ginseng, yohimbine, opium, quinine, myrtle. No redeeming value in any of them. I don't know how in Hades those rumors got started in the first
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