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A Life Reshaped
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13870 |
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Section : |
MODERN THOUGHT
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| Issue
Date : |
12 / 1988 |
2,076 Words |
| Author
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Ruth Atlas Binstock
Ruth Atlas Binstock is the recipient of the 1988 Honorary
Citation for Distinguished Service to the World's Children,
given by the United States Committee for UNICEF. |
When my husband died 15 years ago, I had to take stock. Our 50-year marriage was exceedingly happy. I had devoted much of my time to his career and had been delighted to do so. We had worked together, reared our children, and enjoyed life together, sharing similar tastes in travel, reading, theater, and music for half a century. It seemed impossible for me to live without him.
There being eight years' difference in age between us, I was a strong, healthy 70. Could I go on alone? I decided that life is too precious a gift to throw to the winds; I would try to live my remaining years to their fullest.
Of course, I have faced great changes, but many strong ties remain. Relationships with family, especially children and grandchildren, continue. Sisters on both sides—and their children—bring warmth and comfort to me. Since none of them lives in Chicago, I worried about that at first. But when my son invited me to move to Boston, I said without hesitation that I belong where I have deep roots with people and institutions that had become part of me and offered me a chance to continue living vitally and usefully.
And I remembered how wonderful my own parents had been to us, never interfering with our freedom and independence; how, when I left home at 20, they respected our right to shape our own lives. They advised us only when we asked for advice and left us to carve out our own destiny. I didn't want to "move in" on my son's life either.
But I didn't anticipate the many changes that would occur. I have often heard from other "singles" that upon the death of their spouses, they were deserted by couples with whom they had once been close. That happens. But there are so many friends who remain loyal and many new friends yet to be made. I found both new and old friends a rich source of happiness. With these, and with the causes I have served and continue to serve, I continue to live an abundant life.
Of course, my ways have gradually changed during the years. Among the factors creating change are unexpected, unplanned tragedies that come to everyone as life goes on. Tragic illnesses, even the deaths of those that we have assumed would outlive us, are the hardest to bear. Many people experience them, and there is nothing we can do about them except grieve and try to comfort survivors.
Physical energy diminishes with the years. I can no longer
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