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Family Togetherness: Tips to Unify a Household
| Article
# : |
13715 |
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Section : |
LIFE
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| Issue
Date : |
8 / 1988 |
2,650 Words |
| Author
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Dr. L.E. Arnold
Dr. Arnold is a child psychiatrist, father of five, and
professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at Ohio State |
"Bye, Mom."
"Where are you going, Mary? Sunday dinner is almost ready."
"I'm going to meet Joan at the mall and we're going bowling."
"And where do you think you're going, John?"
"Don't you remember my team is going to Maple Point today? I told you about it two weeks ago."
"Can't we even have a Sunday dinner together anymore? My parents said they could always count on their families being together for Sunday. I remember how much fun we had talking and joking, and then playing some games together afterward. Why can't we have the same thing in this family?"
Togetherness rituals, such as Sunday dinners, church outings, picnics, going to town together on Saturday, or the Walton-type round of "good nights" mortar the bricks of family stability.
But with modern geographic mobility, increased involvement outside the family, and a divorce rate that affects about half of all children at some time in their lives, we ask whether togetherness is still possible, if it is necessary, and how it can be achieved.
Each of us carries through life a delusion of identity: the false belief that we are the same person we were earlier in life. Scientifically, every seven years the molecules of the body regenerate. The same process occurs in the mental and emotional arenas. Who remembers everything from ten years ago, and who hasn't learned new things during the intervening ten years? Obviously, the mind (information, opinions, mental skills) does not remain the same. People "change their minds." The only things that stay the same over the course of a lifetime are the name and some memories--and even the memories change: embellished, burnished, or tarnished by the friction and corrosion of the years.
Yet, to retain an identity, we each need to believe that we are the same person we were ten years ago or thirty years ago. Parents should help their children develop personal stability, which seems to rest largely on a belief in the stability of one's home and family.
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