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Coping With That Tug of Mother Love
| Article
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10740 |
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Section : |
LIFE
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| Issue
Date : |
1 / 1986 |
1,519 Words |
| Author
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Connie Church
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For the woman combining her role as mother with her new found freedom and acceptance in the working world there is a certain amount of emotional conflict concerning her obligation to her children. The essence of this conflict is whether or not a working mother with an infant or preschoolers can continue her career and still do the best she can for her children; and if she succeeds in doing so, is it possible for her to absolve her guilt?
The guilt a working mother feels in leaving her child to a "surrogate mother," whether the surrogate is a day care center, relative, or nanny, is understandable when you consider the intensity of the mother-infant bond. There are few mothers who will deny the profound elation and emotion they felt when holding their babies for the first time. As the relationship continues to develop between mother and baby it becomes almost mystical.
A mother in tune with her baby knows that he is hungry before he begins to cry. She will instinctively check him, afraid that he's not warm enough, and find that he has kicked off the blanket. Perhaps she will be overwhelmed by the feeling that something terrible has happened to her child and not surprised when the call comes from the hospital moments later. The overwhelming emotions coupled with this mother's intuition certainly justifies a mother's feelings of guilt when she is away from her child for a prolonged period of time. After all, who better to look after the baby and preschool child than the natural mother? For the working mother who questions the effect her absence has on her preschool children some answers are beginning to emerge.
Dr. Sandra Scarr, a leading psychologist and author of Mother Care/Other Care, has spent six years researching the effects of day care on preschool children, and fifteen years researching child development and the factors that determine intelligence. She states "There is no evidence that children do better if mother stays at home for the first three years of life, or the first three months of life. In fact, the age of the child does not seem to be a factor at all."
She has found that infants respond naturally to caretakers other than their biological parents. While it is true that children between the ages of 7 and 15 months are more sensitive to separation, there is no evidence of permanent harm when this separation occurs. Dr. Scarr adds, "From the age of 7 to 15 months babies are quite adaptable, though of course it's no fun for a mother to peel a crying child off her arms to get to
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